Method to my madness
by culturegeek76
Summary: Dean and Sam discuss the finer points of undressing a woman, cheesy music videos and bad haircuts.


"There's an order I like to undress them in, Sammy," Dean explained.

"An order?"

"Yeah, an order, depending on what they are wearing, of course."

"So what, you'd actually stop a woman from undressing herself to make her do it right?"

"Damned straight," Dean nodded. "It's not usually a problem though. Chicks love it when you undress them. They count it as foreplay, and chicks _love_ foreplay."

"Right," Sam sighed.

"See, if she's wearing a skirt and a little top, that's cool. I like 'it best when they aren't wearing underwear, but if they are, I'll slip those off first. Well, I'll take her shoes off first – unless I'm in the mood for her to leave 'em on."

"The underwear?"

"No, the shoes!" Dean scoffed. "Anyway, I'll slip her panties off, push her against the wall and lift her skirt up. Then I get on my knees and go downtown—"

"Dean!"

"Please tell me you aren't freak out by that? Jeez Sammy, you gotta go down on girls. You're a Winchester. Not only do we do what we do and shut up about it, we make sure to leave our ladies _satisfied."_

Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm not afraid to 'please a lady' Dean, I just don't want to hear the details of you doing it, okay?"

"Fine, I was just making sure. Thought maybe you needed a few pointers, but hey, if you say you're cool, then you're cool," Dean held a hand up in deference. "Where was I? Oh yeah… oral pleasures… then, once she's come I'll take 'er right up against the wall. Just lifther top and bra over her tits and—"

"Dean!"

"Am I offending your delicate sensibilites? I'm sorry."

"Jerk," Sam shook his head. "Seriously, you don't even bother to undress them? That's classy."

"Oh, I undress 'em - for the second round!"

Sam laughed to himself; he should have known. "What if she's not wearing a skirt or a dress?"

"Mmm," Dean licked his lips with a groan. "Then I definitely must undress her properly.

"First, I make out with her a bit, ya know? Then I'll take my top off first… make her feel more comfortable. Then I'll take off her top, leaving her in her bra and jeans. Then I'll sit on the bed and yank her close … just like in that Bon Jovi video."

"I thought you hated Bon Jovi?"

"I do, it's just a really hot video! You know the one, with that chick from 'Felicity' in it?"

"What?"

"Come on Sammy, you gotta remember it. Felicity lives with this couple, and one day the girlfriend comes home and catches her messing around with the boyfriend? She's wearing this really foxy green satin number, I think it was a wonderbra—"

"Dude, I know which video you're talking about. Yes, Kerri Russell _is_ hot. I'm just amazed that you know she played 'Felicity'!"

"Hey, that chick was sweet. Well, until they cut her hair, which was a huge mistake because—"

"You actually watched Felicity?"

"Pfft, uh… no," Dean scoffed, looking away.

"Right, sure," Sam chuckled.

"Whatever. You do know the video I'm talking about right? That scene where she's in nothing but in her jeans and bra?"

"Yeah."

"So, I'll do that, and then I'll kiss her for a while. I'll unbutton her pants, running my hands down her thighs to slip 'em down. Then, I see if I can get a hummer like that, me sitting at the foot of the bed—"

"Dean, I really don't want to hear this," Sam interrupted.

"Fine, so… after all that, I'll pull her onto my lap and roll us over on the bed so I'm on top. I'll slip her bra off, suck on her tits for a bit," Dean glanced over at Sam with a smirk. He waited to be admonished for getting graphic and using the word tits again, but Sam seemed happy to listen.

"Next, I'll lick my way down her body and slide my hand under her—"

"Dean, enough! I do not need to hear this – I can take it from there on my own, 'kay?"

"Fine. I'm stopping."

"Good."

"Good. I'm done."

"Great."

Dean sat silently for a beat before breaking. "Last step, I take the panties off, like I'm finally getting to the center of the Tootsie Pop."

Sam snorts. "You do all the undressing?"

"Yep."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, what was that 'huh' for?"

"Nothing, just, I find it interesting that you do all the work."

"What, you let the ladies run the show from start to finish there Sammy?" Dean leered at his brother. "I should have figured you like 'em dominant. All 'empowered female' and shit, right?"

"No," Sam groused. "Not dominant-dominant, I just like to let them take the lead."

"So, basically, you like to be lazy?" Dean teased. "Let me guess, your favourite position is woman on top?!"

"A lot of women prefer that position because of the extra stimulation it provides," Sam argued.

"Yeah, because their partner's unable to give it to 'em any other way," Dean smirked.

"Screw you," Sam snapped.

"Oh, I don't think so," Dean laughed. "I'm not so into the 'lay back and let it happen' thing."

_XXX_

A/N: The video discussed is "Always" by Bon Jovi. (Go to 2:28 for the scene Dean refers to.) Can be found here: 


End file.
